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Official Apology Letter to China for the "Incident"

We're sorry you violated international law and arrested the crewmen of an aircraft that legally diverted into your airfield under emergency conditions caused by your pilot's actions, after being led there by one of your other pilots.

We're sorry you violated international law and boarded a state aircraft. We're sorry the world is now seeing you for the enemy of freedom, truth, and democracy that you really are. We're sorry you see yourself as a superpower when in reality you are a third world nation (the average Chinese worker earns less than $.10 a day).

We're sorry you are loosing so much face over this. We're sorry that you were able to steal some missile and nuclear secrets from us. We're sorry you haven't learned from the Soviet Union's collapse and failed to embrace democracy and capitalism (compare tiny Taiwan and mainland China; same people, same culture, but Taiwan's capitalistic economy is a powerhouse and China's economy is still mired in communism).

And most of all, we're sorry for the Chinese people who suffer its leaders' incompetence.